September 12th, 2020

Story by Tom

(spoken word: Glitter And Doom tour, 2008)

"(crowd yells) Okay, I love you too babe! Uhhh... oh, oh! I knew if I'd stop talking YOU would start! (laughter). That's why I... that's why I'm compelled to continue here. Uh, okay... I went on eBay. I went on eBay, I shouldn't have gone on eBay, I was warned about eBay. I didn't even know what the fuck eBay was! Uh, but I was warned about it. They said: "Stay away from eBay!" And uh..: "Especially when you have money in your pocket". And uhm I had both.[read more..]

I was on eBay and I had money in my pocket and I made a big mistake. Well, I don't think it was a mistake, I was TOLD I made a big mistake. You see how easy I am? I made a purchase. Okay, so what!? I made a purchase and it was my money and I spent it. Okay? Uh, now you be the judge... I bought (I swear) the last dying breath of Henry Ford (laughter).

Wait a minute! It was trapped in a Coke bottle with a corck in it. REALLY tight in there. And uh, I probably paid more then I should have for it, but when you think about it... it's a first edition you know? I mean, there's only one of them. And uh... okay let's get to something else... Uh, what's the first thing we're gonna do here? Oh, oh.. I guess... (attempts "Lucky Day", but can't get the right note) No, I'll stick with a different one (laughter). Oh, hell they ALL start like that! (laughter)."

Written by: Tom Waits
Official release: Glitter And Doom, Anti Inc. 2009